It's a totally different head

As the sun begins to peak out at me I scurry indoors to avoid mowing the lawn or playing with my dog to put in a shameless plug for my beloved store CDPlus. Recently the genius company that I work for decided to put a bunch of old television shows on two for thirty dollars. Shows such as "News Radio", "T.J Hooker", "Different Strokes" and "Silver Spoons" but the crowning glory of this sale is definitely "Square Pegs". Before Sarah Jessica Parker made "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" or adopted her "SATC" Carrie Bradshaw persona she was Patty Greene, a bright eyed freshman at Weemawee Highschool. Patty and her best friend Lauren are hopelessly dorky and determined to be a part of the popular crowd. Other major players in the show are blank eyed "valley girl" Jennifer DeNuccio and her beauty but boneheaded boyfriend Vinnie Pasetta and their token black (to the max) friend LaDonna Fredericks. Patty and Lauren become fast friends with aspiring comic Marshall Blechtman and his quirky "new wave" cohort Johnny Ulasewicz a.k.a Johnny Slash. The show was obviously created before political correctness was a big deal as LaDonna embodies almost every cliched stereotype of black women in popular culture; the school's mascot is also an "Indian" and they throw around native stereotypes like its going out of style (I'm pretty sure I heard the word Squaw more than once). Despite these P.C setbacks the show is freaking hilarious. As Johnny tries to dream up names for his "New Wave" band that's been virtually created overnight and Patty and Lauren try and weasel their way into the good books of the popular crowd (though they continually fall flat on their asses). There are also lots of guest appearances from bands such as The Waitresses ("I Know What Boys Like") and Devo and today I was completely titillated when Bill Murray walked in as a substitute teacher! Anyways, if you want proof that Sarah Jessica Parker wasn't always a dried up old hag and you want to watch some television in the vein of "Freaks and Geeks", "Degrassi" and "My So Called Life" then you should go buy this show so I can have someone to discuss with.

I'll give you blogifide lovin!

My life has been filled with sadness and misery since my beloved computer went to sleep and never woke up again. I attempted to update from my iphone but to no avail. When my computer decided to go toe up I had just watched "Kickass" and was super stoked to review my latest theater adventure. In that month long technologically challenged period I actually saw almost nothing noteworthy but I thought I would try and round up a couple of my thoughts on what sweet little pop culture exposures I did have.
mmmmmmmk brain, do your worst!

Kickass
Firstly, the comic was WAYYYY better. But fortunately the film managed to capture at least an iota of the awesome making it one of the better movies I have watched in a while. My only complaints were:
-Aaron Johnson is wayyyyyy to dreamy to play Dave Lizewski.
Johnson looks like this:

While Lizewski is supposed to look like this:

uhhh yeah, i think you get my point. But Johnson did manage to capture the "essence" of the character despite his glaring hotness while masking his British accent masterfully.
-They gave many of the characters redemption that should have been left as the loserly sell outs they were revealed to be in the comic. Oh Hollywood, you do it every time.
-The jet pack. Seriously, it was overkill.

Other than those few details, I was completely enthralled with the movie. It's nice to see a superhero movie/comic where the hero takes as many beatings as he hands out, if not more.

Sex and the City 2
Dear god, don't watch this movie. Ever. I spent the last half of the TWO AND A HALF HOURS writhing in my seat with my sweater pulled over my head. I really liked the show so for me watching this movie was like having all the shitty superficial aspects of the show barfed in my face (especially the eyes, oh the burning) for a ridiculously long period of time. The clothes were terrible and that was supposed to be the saving grace, I foolishly thought that at least there would be some fashionable eye candy but no, these ladies were dressed like a bunch of gaudy old hoes from Miami. Also they pretty much heckled Muslim religion and customs throughout the whole film without actually taking any sort of political stance. Their only qualm with the whole burqa was how stupid a woman looks eating fries. I would rather be bound, gagged, put in a sack and dropped to the bottom of an icy cold river filled with super sharks and piranhas than lay eyes on this abomination ever again.
DO NOT WANT!!!!!!!!!!

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Have ya, grab ya til your sore

Today I went to see "The Runaways" with my crony Stacey. We conquered the wind and rain along the treacherous highway to worship at the shrine of K-Stew and D-Fanning. I am a long time admirer of the Fanning, I think she has some hardcore talent and will actually end up having a lifelong career as a successful actress. I appreciate that she has paid her dues doing controversial flicks *Hounddog* because the box office doesn't tend to favor films with America's sweetheart getting raped and generally shat upon. "The Runaways" is another such film that wont appeal to the "I am Sam" or "War of the Worlds" fans of Fanning's work. The film features Fanning as Runaways frontwoman Cheri Currie,being crass and vulgar while she writhes, wriggles, menstruates and glitters. Many wont be ready to see the 16 year old (then 15) engage in casual and not so casual drug use, scandalous behavior and a little girl on girl action.

I on the other hand was more than ready. I was psyched to see Dakota put on her big girl pants and play a total trainwreck of a woman, and she did, and it was awesome. The film should have really been called "The Rise and Fall of Cheri Currie" because the film completely centered around Fanning's character. K-Stew as Joan Jett was such a minor character, maybe it reflects how she took a backseat in her own band. It's fitting that she played second fiddle because her acting abilities just don't measure up to those of the great D-Fanning. K-Stew was a perfect choice and she fit the role of Jett perfectly but the character wasn't any different from her previous hair cut. She was essentially Bella from Twilight with a bad mullet and a backbone who was totally in love with rock and roll instead of Edward. They both have an unhealthy attraction to glitter.
The plot of the film was actually a lot slower than I thought it would be. I found it dragged in a lot of spots and there was not a ton of moments that really grabbed the audience. It was sort of a ramble of a film, but it was beautifully shot. Which figures because it was written and directed by Floria Sigismondi. This is Sigismondi's first feature film, her day job is as a photographer and short film/music video director. This being the first film she's written would explain why the plot lags a little and why the film is more beautiful than it is stimulating.

She has directed amazing music videos for artists such as The White Stripes and The Cure. Her website is definitely worth checking out: www.floriasigismondi.com
I definitely overall enjoyed this film and will be for sure buying it (previously viewed) and watching it again. Ultimately the film's story is very important as it details the experiences of women trying to make it in what is ultimately a mans industry, figures that it would have a female director.

Another film that I discovered researching this film is "Ladies and Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains"

This film was also written by a woman, who used a man's name in the production because she was not pleased with the final product. The film features a young Diane Lane and Laura Dern who are a couple of restless teenage girls who start a punk rock band to get out of their boring town/lives. Like "The Runaways" both films tackle the struggles early female groups faced in trying to promote their sexuality without selling it. Both films ultimately bring the concept of "putting out" into question.
I'm going to finish this blog with one of my favorite Sigismondi videos and the trailer for "Fabulous Stains".

Dear Oscars, I don't think this is going to work out

I thought I didn't care much for this years Oscars going in. There weren't any films that I felt especially strongly about. But as the night progressed and Hurt Locker won award after award I began to realize just how much I wanted Precious to win. I enjoyed Hurt Locker and I thought Jeremy Renner was especially good; it just didn't have the impact on me that Precious had. I feel like for the whopper of a film Hurt Locker is supposed to be it still played it very safe with the material it was presenting, which Precious did not. Precious played with the juxtaposition of different scenes, sometimes jumping into outrageous fantasy scenarios which I found to be amazing and totally audacious. I'm glad that Avatar didn't sweep the Oscars because it illustrated that The Academy Awards still know what truly great film making is.
But then Sandra Bullock won for Best Actress...
I am one of the few that still adore Sandra's quirky characters (that does not mean I will be watching All About Steve) but in what sort of world does she stand victorious up against her contenders. I guess I'm just going to have to watch this film before I start printing off petitions to have her award reneged.

Some other highlights of the evening for me were:

Jeff Bridges winning Best Actor. I would have been happy with Jeremy Renner but I absolutely adore Bridges and I enjoyed him in this film. Michelle Pfeiffer's speech to him was really touching and his reaction to his win was sweet.

I thought that Martin and Baldwin were totally lacking as hosts, I prefer Jackman's song and dance and I didn't even really enjoy that.

I liked Sandra's acceptance speech, I really do think she is funny. It was also really touching...if your a sappy cheeseball which I am not OBVIOUSLY.

Mo'nique winning best supporting actress, she seriously deserved this. One just needs to see the film to see what I mean but she busted it out for Precious.

Christoph Waltz winning best supporting male actor, I thought he was one of the best characters of all time. He worked it, well deserved win.

Inglorious Basterds should have one best original screenplay, the Hurt Locker was no where near as innovative as this film. The dialogue was undeniably great, big fail Oscars.

Sarah Jessica Parker looked like she just got off a elderly tourist bus from Miami. She's inviting everyone to join her and Broderick after the show for some parcheesi in the lounge, maybe some lawn bowling.


I was so glad when Precious won for best adapted screenplay but the screenplay writer didn't even thank the books author, no one from Precious did. With a film title that long "Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire" you think they'd remember to give her a nod or throw her some cred.

I could have done without the dancers. The Up soundtrack bit was cute but it's like the Oscars are running out of cash for a REAL production and so they hire some hack hosts and go "America likes dancing!" because of the popularity of dance themed television and they decide that in a film awards show they will feature people popping and locking to long assed boring soundtrack scores.

Carey Mulligan and Maggie G were stunnnnnnnning. I totally hate to admit it but Kstew looked pretty good too.

I also personally believe that dresses that you cannot move in should NOT be worn on the red carpet (FARMIGA)



I am totally crushing <3

82nd Annual Academy Awards / The Oscars

It’s one of my favorite times of year, right up there with my birthday and Kwanza, Oscar season. This Sunday, March 7th, all the Hollywood bigwigs are going to put on their Sunday best and paint the town red (clichés much?!). The Oscar awards are where Hollywood glitz and politics come to hump and produce often predictable but sometimes elating babes. I’ve been planning this blog for weeks but I didn’t want to throw things off by actually updating in a timely fashion so here I am, at 10:48pm on Wednesday night, blurting my thoughts on this year’s award show.

So this year they decided to “cast their nets wider” (whatever that means) and have 10 best picture nominations instead of 5. This makes my life more complicated as I try and watch all the best picture nominations before the big day and I also like to try and guess who’s going to win, naturally. This year I have pretty much spent most of my time trying to figure out who the 5 nominees would have been if they didn’t have 10. My guess is: Precious, Hurt Locker, Up in the Air, Avatar and Inglorious Bastards. Blind Side is automatically out because I don’t even understand why it was in, the rest are worthy contenders but I don’t think they really measure up to the five previously listed.
Here is where I cover my thoughts on the best picture nominations:

Avatar: As I have stated in my previous review, this film was totally amazing. BUT I don’t think it has all the qualities of a best picture. For me a best picture should be aces in script, acting, directing, cinematography etc. I just don’t think Avatar had all these in spades like some of the other films did. It’s sort of the same reason why I don’t think Titanic should have won best picture back in ’97.


The Blind Side: I didn’t watch this movie, I know that’s me being a snob in the most unforgiving way but I laughed my ass off in the preview. I just don’t understand why something that should have been a TV miniseries on a bad religious network is nominated for best picture. I probably will watch this (without paying for it obvs) and I will eat these words if I’m wrong....which I’m 99% positive I’m not.


District 9: I really enjoyed this film, especially when the dude jumps in the super suit and kicks some ass. That being said, is it really best picture material? I feel like if this movie actually changed anyone’s life then they must have been pretty sheltered prior to exposure to the film. Yes...apartheid IS bad. Points for cute baby aliens though, I could have cuddled the shit outta that little shrimp.


An Education: This movie was so relevant to me personally that it’s hard to remain unbiased. I liked the story and I thought the movie was amazing. Carey Mulligan definitely earned her nomination for best actress; it’s too bad she will wither in the shadow of Gabourey Sidibe in Precious. But considering this is one of her first big roles she’s not doing too bad for herself.


The Hurt Locker: I think this will win for Best Picture, and not because I loved it a ton because for the majority it’s really not my kind of film but because it has all those aforementioned elements AND it’s relevant to the average contemporary North American. Jeremy Renner was a very excellent mild-sociopath and he also is very sexy (can you believe he’s 39?!)


Inglourious Basterds: I believe this film has all those best picture qualities as well but I think that some of the questionable material and themes Quentin was working with will divert him from being a serious contender. I cannot see the Academy coming together unanimously on this one. I enjoyed this film more than Hurt Locker and District 9 and just as much as Avatar but for completely different reasons.


Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire: This is the film I believe should win for best picture. The producer of the Hurt Locker got caught campaigning for his independent film to win because it deserves to more than a “500 million dollar film”. I share the guy’s sentiments, but his film is not the indie flick I would choose. Precious has my vote. The acting is superb, Sidibe came out of nowhere to play Precious and she blew my mind. I would never have guessed that Mo’Nique had the acting chops she displayed in the film. The film was visually stimulating and at times experimental and the plot will definitely slap you in the face.

A Serious Man: I loved this movie but it was not funnier than Lebowski nor was it darker than No Country for Old Men, as I was promised. I was surprised this was nominated for best picture but I was glad to see it on the roster. I guess I would expect the Academy to overlook this sort of gem, I guess that’s the perks of 10 best picture nominations. This film was a delicious spread of oddness, hilariousness, Jewishness, grossness, tediousness and epic mundaness to the point of insanity.

Up: I can see why Wall-E was nominated for Best Picture but while I loved Up, I don’t think it should be nominated for best picture. Any film with talking dogs should not be nominated for best picture, no matter how adorably awesome they are.

Up in the Air: I didn’t see this but I want to so bad....maybe it will change my feelings completely about the best picture nominee but how will I ever know?!?!

"Nobody wants to be here and nobody wants to leave"

Words cannot explain how much I love post-apocalyptic tales of distopian worlds. I love how humans spend so much time thinking of all the creative ways we are eventually going to fuck ourselves over.
I loved reading Cormac McCarthy's "The Road". It plodded along only offering little tidbits of information and before I knew it I was completely engorged and totally in love with the boy and the man who continue to travel down the road despite the ever increasing sense that all hope is lost. I read the book in a hurry so I could catch the upcoming film release.
The movie was the longest film of my entire life. Naturally I'm exaggerating but the book just didn't translate to film very well at all. The characters looked exactly like I would expect them to and they acted their roles perfectly. The landscape looked as bleak and dismal as I had imagined. The book had an element of surprise that the film just couldn't seem to master. I enjoy film adaptations of novels because I like to see what they add or take out. In the case of this film they didn't do enough of either. I appreciate the loyalty to McCarthy's text but for the audiences sake they could have pumped a little more action into that limp plot. ;)
Needless to say, my compadre Jae and I were fidgeting and bouncing around in our seats for about the last 45 minutes of the film. I wished they would just die already and give up, I was already contemplating suicide myself.

It was my boyfriend Chris who was filled with anticipation for "Book of Eli" so I surrendered my Sunday to the cause. Book of Eli made up in spades for what "The Road" lacked in plot and as a result it also lacked some of "The Road"s poignancy. They were surprisingly similar in that the world has long since been burned, there is little food or water, people have become cannibals and criminals to survive, for the most case humanity has been destroyed. They both deal with themes of faith and survival. I came across a few issues in the film though:

This seems to me to be a realistic depiction of what your post-apocalyptic family would look like in a world of minimal shelter and sustenance. You can practically see stink lines coming off this sad father son duo. Viggo Mortensen was the perfectly choice for this physically because he naturally rocks the crack fiend malnourished look.

This is the guy at the OSCARS! I'm not going to lie, if I saw this guy in the grocery store I'd put my hand over my wallet. And I would definitely purell after any sort of interaction.
Now lets compare these grubby little gaffers to Denzel.

Aside from his blatant hygiene which they sort of address in the film, his clothes look only slightly weather if not brand new. He looks like he stopped off at Eddie Bauer before taking a hike up Tea Pot hill. I don't understand how a man on such a one track minded mission manages to maintain a nice beard and perfectly quaffed do. Not to mention

There is no way there is ANYTHING this nice looking in the post apocalyptic world!
I'm glad that in a future with little to no water, chap stick, food or anything of value that there is still: hairbrushes, eyebrow shaping tools, concealer, and mascara. Then again, maybe "The Road" would have been slightly more entertaining if they had brought this little muffin along for the ride.

All in all, I hate to admit that I would way rather watch "The Book of Eli" than "The Road". I would actually probably watch "Eli" again. It was badass while not being entirely cheesy and Gary Oldman is awesome as usual (that guy has some of the best spazz outs in film history). I appreciate that they didn't have any banging going on between the male and female lead which made their relationship more believable and as a result her character way less expendable. I like Denzel, I always like Denzel. He doesn't have a ton of range in his acting ability but the earnestness of his characters makes him very easy and enjoyable to watch.