Set Tasers to Steal My Heart

It was a long hard road full of many limb snapping, lung failing obstacles but I finally made it out to see STAR TREK. I feel this title deserves caps locks because it was just that fucking awesome. I am a big J.J Abrams lover, professionally and personally (what a steamy nerdy manboy). I was sucked into Alias, foolishly thinking I could "just try it once" and I am currently plundering the every so alluring landscapes of Lost so I had big expectations going into this movie. IT WAS SO MUCH MORE THAN I HAD ANTICIPATED. I was expecting awesome visual effects and suspense which J.J is a master of. But I was pleasantly surprised by 1. HOW FUNNY IT WAS! and 2. the character development. I am no Star Trek aficionado or even a fan but I loved the development of the character of Spock and his human/Vulcan dual identity. Zachary Quinto is amazing at using his eyebrows, utterly mystifying. I don't really want to talk about the funny bits because then it will ruin the surprise and you wont be as tickled as I was. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone in particular, I would recommend it for everyone, its got a little something for everybody i.e sexy people, funny moments, sexy moments, action moments, scary moments, intense moments, ugly people, aliens, genocide, fighting, fencing, spaceships, muscles, motorcycles, Beastie Boys, giant red balls etc. I know I am enjoying a movie when I begin to lean forward in my seat and in this movie my face was smothered in the hair of the two women in front of me as I breathed Pepsi/Rootbeer all over them.
Essentially I looked like this guy
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Every Good Wolverine Deserves A Good Bone

I wish I could say that I don't regret procrastinating on my homework to go see "Wolverine: Origins" with Chris...
But no such luck. I really just wish Wolverine would plunge these adamantium claws deep into his still beating heart. Seriously, there is not a lot I can say about this movie accept "NO! DON'T GO SEE IT, DON'T RENT IT, DON'T WATCH IT FOR FREE ON THE INTERNET...JUST NO". I feel like this film is the perfect example of crappy directors relying to heavily on poor quality c.g rather than doing the extra leg work to make it look credible. I would have preferred bouncy plastic fake adamantium claws to the crappy unrealistic c.g'd claws in this movie. YUCK. But even credible C.G could not have saved this movie but would have only slightly diluted my ever increasing desire to drown myself in my MASSIVE pepsi/rootbeer combo. But I can find the shiny penny in any gigantic pile of dead puppies and I would have to say in this case, it is most def. Liev Schreiber, I would have much rather watched him in his time off screen which was spent most likely raping and pillaging rather than watching that puss Wolverine "find himself". I need to go freebase some "Lost" to get the nasty taste of that sucky prequel out of my brain.

The Springtime of My Amazing Luck

So I moved this last week and it was tiresome but I still managed to watch three, yes THREE movies this week as well as an impressive chunk of season 2 of Lost. I live in a house now and my TV has a room of its own; therefore, life is about to get a whole lot better. Now I can watch all the shows that I'm embarrassed to watch in front of Chris alone; I can indulge in my mindless MTV/CW/Old Fox television shows in glutenous blissful peace.
And so the first movie I watched is Happy-Go-Lucky2008. This movie should not be confused with Happy Go Lucky made in 1943 which is detailed on IMDB as "A gold-digger hopes to land a rich husband in Trinidad, but gets mixed up with a beach boy and voodoo." This movie is nothing like its similarly titled counterpart. I don't know how I would sum up Happy-Go-Lucky it would probably take only one or two sentences because not a lot actually happens in the movie. I would probably say "Poppy is an unusually happy schoolteacher who takes driving lessons and makes her instructor really mad. It was awesome." I found myself waiting for the plot to begin in this movie while remaining very entertained. The character of Poppy is intriguing; she is a painfully happy, continuous joke maker who dresses very eccentrically and has many awkward encounters. At first I couldn't stand her and then I adored her. Poppy's open attitude leads her into many strange activities such as: trampoline classes, flamenco dance class (with a very passionate instructor), a late night hang out with a mumbling/singing bum etc. I don't want to give anything away but I found it was the relationship with her driving instructor that ignites the film. Scott the instructor is Poppy's antithesis, he hates everything and Poppy's bright disposition infuriates him. But they end up realizing the most about themselves through their interaction with one another. His teeth are really awful.

This movie is really colorful and beautiful and it reminds me a lot of the old girly comedies of the 60's such as Funny Face. I would recommend this movie to anyone who can handle minute plots because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, like there is a hamster in your guts.

Youngbloodzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I have a feeling this post is going to image heavy.

Today Stacey and I went to see 17 Again. I plan to cover my thoughts on the film shortly but first I would like to address the feeling of deja vu that was pressing upon my experience of the movie. I began to get the feeling like Zac Efron has already been done. I clambered through my memories of the many films I have watched and then it came to me.






I know right?!?! Minds are blowing all over computer screens everywhere! Who's who?!?
So I have a few words for Mr. Efron, they go a little something like this: *ahem*

Dear Zac,
I feel like I should warn you. It has come to my attention that you are the new Rob Lowe. I know your probably thinking "Right on, that dude has an awesome base tan" but don't be fooled Efron! Rob started off in family television much like you, he did " A New Kind of Family" and you did "Summerland". Like yourself Lowe moved on to make "hot teenager movies" such as "The Outsiders", "Class" and "Oxford Blues", you have done "HSM 1-3" and "Hairspray". Like yourself Lowe dated many of his young hot co-stars such as Winona Ryder and Jodie Foster. But the future is bleak Efron! After Lowe struggled with his drugs and alcohol problems he returned in the 90's clean and sober and DID NOTHING WORTH MENTIONING! His dashing good looks became a joke and he never garnered any serious roles but rather was relegated to the roles of schmarmy douchbags. So I am telling you Efron, you had better stop tanning, wearing mascara, sporting bronzer and straightening your hair or you will join the ranks of Rob Lowe, Mickey Rourke(most recent Oscar nomination excluded) and Christian Slater. You will eventually end up BACK in television as non-noteworthy character unless you grub up and lose that feminine physique!

Alright that's all I have to say to Zac. 17 Again was like Freaky Friday but better. I like Zac Efron better when he's not playing the hot, sexy, rhythmic, tanned, athletic king of the highschool. But at the same time I don't find him convincing as the "outsider". He IS supposed to be really hot in the film but common! This kid looks like he is manufactured Puuuuuurfection. He's so pretty he gives me the willys.
What I thought was impressive about the movie is that they manage to take potentially creepy situations (i.e young version of self hitting on grown version of wife OR young version of self being hit on by teenage daughter) and it manages to pull them off with only mild discomfort and even a little giggling. The movie made me laugh some and squirm some AND I was not bored at any point in the film and that's impressive because I was working up a serious sugar high off my pepsi rootbeer combo.
I just need to take a moment to say that I really love Leslie Mann. I loved her as the crotchety bitter wife in "Knocked Up" and the drunk bar slut in "40 Year Old Virgin" and she was very enjoyable in this film too.
I would not recommend this film to most of my friends but that is because they are picky assholes. I would recommend this movie to: Michele,Sarah, Jennifer, Courtney and anyone else who likes to watch "hot teen movies" such as "Mean Girls", "Stick It", "Bring it On", "HSM" etc. etc. etc.
I really will watch anything but I keep in mind the audience it's intended for and 14 yr old girl inside of you will go mental for this movie.

Oh Lilo Y u So Funie?

I can't help it, I just love a celebrity who can laugh at themselves. Suck on this Kanye.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

hardy har har har

In the immortal words of Ms. Spears, they "rocked out with their cocks out"

get it?!? Because this movie has a flasher in it!

An overman as described by Zarathustra, the main character in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, is the one who is willing to risk all for the sake of enhancement of humanity. In contrary to the “last man” whose sole desire is his own comfort and is incapable of creating anything beyond oneself in any form. This should suggest that an overman is someone who can establish his own values as the world in which others live their lives, often unaware that they are not pregiven. This means an overman can affect and influence the lives of others. In other words, an overman has his own values, independent of others, which affects and dominates others’ lives that may not have predetermined values but only herd instinct. An overman is then someone who has a life which is not merely to live each day with no meanings when nothing in the past and future is more important than the present, or more precisely, the pleasure and happiness in the present, but with the purpose for humanity.
From: Nietzsche’s idea of an overman and life from his point of view

Nietzsche's concept of the "overman" is what came to mind constantly throughout Observe and Report. The theory outlined pretty much sums out the actions of Ronnie Barnhardt throughout the film; in fact it relates to the actions of any sort of vigilante super hero. The reason I enjoyed this film is that it is a hilarious and dark look at the reality of vigilante justice; its just a dude who is delusional about his role in the world. But you can't help but love Ronnie; his actions are guided by some wayward but honest morals and you can appreciate his efforts. He does really want to make the world, or at least his mall a better place.

Sarah and I originally intended to see Adventureland but there was no contest when we realized that this movie was playing. What we did not anticipate was the ridiculous crowds the Hannah Montana Movie was going to be bringing in on this particular Friday afternoon. The line ups for popcorn where mind meltingly long and filled with anxious young girls and pre-teens. We also lost our Mars bar entering the theater, you will be missed mars bar.

I anticipated that from the preview people would think that this film was going to be like the Apatow films or Paul Blart Mall Cop but it really really isn't. It is a comedy but it smacks its audience around a bit. It's jokes are often offensive and it has some surprising violence, needless to say, I loved it. I believe it had a little touch of the Cohen brothers going on. I guessed correctly that the two old ladies sitting on the end of our row would leave and they did, right around the time Ronnie and his sidekick Dennis' montage of coke, liquor, heroin, violence and general mayhem began. I guess they didn't appreciate Ronnie's little detour into Dennis' anarchistic, chaotic realm. They should have had more faith in our protagonist.

Much hilarity due to a small part played by Aziz Ansari from Human Giant. "Why would I blow up the Chick Fillet?! That place is fucking delicious!" And Ray Liotta was an awesome pick for the cliched cop role.

Seth Rogen was amazing in this role, his face is so mean looking and he plays a wayward meathead so well!
"The world has no use for another scared man. Right now, the world needs a fucking hero."

I would like to finish this with a comparison between vigilante justice speeches since that is what kept popping into my head during this film.

Dear Dreamworks you make for a good Saturday afternoon

Sarah and I filled ourselves with coffee (Sarah) and Bellinis (me) and went to see Monsters Vs. Aliens. What I like about Dreamworks movies is that they are short, thrilling and forgettable. It's nice to sit and enjoy a lack of thought or brain activity and just giggle as you stuff another milk dud, skittle, sour patch kid etc. into your mouth. It's the only time I can handle they old lady cackling behind me and the massive group of kids whispering and turning about in their seats...I don't feel like I'm going to miss anything.
I also very much enjoy playing "Guess that actor" as I try and envision the celebrity line up they have voicing the films. This time I guessed Rogen, Witherspoon, Arnet, Rudd and Colbert correctly. I was pretty impressed with myself.
Rogen as B.O.B definitely was the most hilarious and I'm glad that humor in kids movies is a little homosexual in nature these days, that should mean something should it not? I mean we all knew Gaston in Beauty and the Beast was quite a Mo and Jafar from Aladdin was a little too similar to Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror but they never made the gayness so explicit. What can I say? I'm pleased.